I’ve put off updating Derek’s facebook and myspace. I didn’t want people who were close to find out that way, and….
It feels too real and I don’t like it feeling so real. And so right now. It just hits me. Half of me died. The half that pushed me to be free, to live the life I wanted, to be true to myself. The half that pulled me up last spring, when I was in such a bad place. The half that, no matter how shitty things were, the half that always believed.
You never really understood that I felt exactly the same way: No matter how independent and smart as hell and “always right” both of us are – we are so perfect for each other…this is what connection is about.
And no, I’m not bloody romanticizing – that was his job anyhow.
And so that tree…I’m going to plug my ears for the rest of the day….