I don’t know why I can’t just have a Great Day…I always have to push it a wee bit. Case in point – yesterday – perfectly perfect but I had to top it off with a very nice dollop of Drunken A*hole Tracy. Blah. And not even Private In My Home Drunken Tracy, but Drunk at the Sportscenter Tracy. Eeewww. Oh well.
I was trying to explain to Julie and Jaime yesterday, in my Enlightened One Glass of Wine State my beliefs? Notions? Ideas? of what the soul is, of what we are. It required removing the top of my ottoman and putting it THERE and dramatic gesturing. The logician in me (yes, there does exist one at times) can’t fathom the idea of one soul to one body. I mean, we have a lot more bodies now. How does that work?
Thus the ottoman. That’s us. And you take a little scoop and put it in a body. And when the body goes away, the little scoop – it goes back in. Is that reincarnation? Yeah, kinda. Except I don’t think we exist as individual souls unless we are in a body.
Yeah. Tracyology 101.
So some people. It just seems like they didn’t have a chance in hell. You know? Like Derek. He didn’t have a chance in hell. What was the point?
The last time I saw him he was walking away from my house to the bus station. It felt final. Finally. But the Thursday before he died, once again, we got “back together”. And he asked me to wear his ring (again). He was out with Mike, drunk (for the first time in a long time) and happy as hell.
The last thing he said to me “just love, kitten, just love”.
Yesterday Julie and Jaime both perfectly helped me do what I needed to do. Let him go. And I finally got it, yesterday. I finally, as he always told me to do, pulled my head out of my ass and I got it.
Just love. Bye baby…