(you will normalize….don’t it make you feel alive?)
The house is oddly still empty. Hayley is at play practice – she’s playing the piano for the entire Missoula Children’s Theatre play that is being performed on Friday. Just a little pressure. And she’s sick. Poor kid. Ruby is at her dad’s – sick, too. And I’m in the house, working on a frighteningly festive collection (in a very good way…), wishing I was crocheting yet another hat, listening to LCD Soundsystem – Get Innocuous!
I think I love the song so much because is reminds me of nothing. Vacant. Of course Hayley’s first comments? “Is this Thriller or something?” . Sigh.
I miss you today. This week. This month. More than I have. More than I want to.
Helping Ruby get to sleep as she whined and cried about missing her Daddy (because that is a sure fire way to get Mommy *right there*), I started crying. Then the depth that is hidden by her age bubbled up and she stopped crying. She wiped my tears and said “Mama, I’m going to tell you something you told me. I think you forgot. It’s okay to cry, tears are just the pain leaving you. It’s okay Mama. Do you miss Derek? He’s gone forever, it’s okay Mama.”
What do you do with that? That’s right. You just cry more…
I don’t know what it is about this week that has made things raw again. Doesn’t really matter, I suppose. It is what it is.
Ergh. And I was doing so well – not wallowing 🙂
The photo? Circular needles, in abundance. I like it.