I’ve been working most of the day and I know that I accomplished something, other than coughing up copious amounts of Icky Cold Debris. Sadly, I couldn’t tell you what – what I accomplished, that is.
It was a beautiful day today – I kept the back door open to let fresh air in and to hopefully lure the sick air out. As beautiful as it was, I missed Derek this afternoon with such a fresh, ferocious, raw edge that I couldn’t stop crying. Those awful, awful tears that you can’t hide and you can’t lie about. Ugh.
I know enough to know that the Derek-I-Miss these days is a metaphor for love. Ugly, sad, gorgeous, scary love. Metaphor or not – I keep seeing him, under the trees at Franklin Park, feeling wretched from the Depakote (yet another attempt to control the seizures), yet still posing me, a la Julianna Hatfield.
I miss Ruby, I am so happy Hayley is here, and I’ve never felt more alone in my life.